A Realization...

I have been teaching for eight years. As I enter my ninth year, I have come to a realization that I am NOT a bad teacher. Nor am I one of the greatest teachers. I do good work. I make good connections with kids. I am able to teach them some math along the way. But I can't help feeling that I am missing something.

After some Twitter lurking and some thought this week, I think I understand a little bit about why I feel that way.

For the first seven years of my career, I had an excellent mentor on campus. We worked well together. She was very supportive and we became good friends. She also did most of the work. I helped a little here and there, but I just rode her coat tails on pretty much everything. If she did something, then I did it. She did all the research and work. All I did was try to do what she told me about with varying degrees of success. It was not a very fair relationship. Now I did create some things on my own, but they were few and far between and I ALWAYS ran it past her before I tried it.

Enter year eight...

My friend and mentor moved on to be the Secondary Math Coach for our district. She wasn't two doors away anymore and I had to start flying on my own. I have to say that there was more crashing than flying in the creative department for me. I had to do it on my own, and I realized just how much I had depended on her. I had done MYSELF a disservice by being a follower and not trying to be a leader. Year eight was a rough year with a lot of ups and downs. I count it as my least successful year in terms of student understanding and achievement in my Algebra 2 classes. (However, I did find a lot of success in my Math Analysis classes, so it wasn't a terrible year overall.)

This weekend on Twitter, I found this quote from Ira Glass...

"Nobody tells this to people who are beginners. I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple of years you make stuff, it's just not that good. It's trying to be good. It has potential. But it's not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn't have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or are still in this phase, you gotta know it's normal and the most important thing you can do is a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you finish a story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions."

It really struck a chord with me. As a result of being a follower, I am still in the beginning stages of defining MY teaching. By just following along and not stretching my creativity, I robbed myself of that volume of work that I should have done that would help me close the gap of where my teaching is and where I want it to be.

So, now I go forward into year nine with a little more understanding of myself. I am not sure where to start, but I know that I need to get working so I can start closing that gap somehow.

I will forever be grateful for my friend and mentor. She has been and will always be an inspiration. I will probably still ask her opinion on stuff. But I need to START doing it myself or it will never get done.

See you later all you AWESOME people...

 

Sometimes it is hard to "Let It Go"...

So we took the kids to see Frozen today and it was AWESOME....

The story was excellent and the soundtrack blew me away. Such a great movie. I think it has taken the number one spot on my favorites list...

There was one song that really hit me in the heart. "Let It Go". Queen Elsa has a power that she has had to conceal all her life because she didn't want to lose control and hurt someone. Especially her little sister, Anna. On her coronation day, she loses control and her power comes out. It frightens everyone, so she runs away. "Let It Go" is the song she sings when she finally gets away and can let her powers go and use them without fear of hurting anyone. She sings about letting go of her fear and developing the power inside of her. It just hit me right in the feels.

The song has been in and out of my head all day and it touches my heart each time. I have thought about it off an on today and I think it hits home with me because I have a lot of fear in me.

I have a power inside me, a special power, just like all of you do, and it frightens me. I am afraid that I will do it wrong or that others won't understand my power and be afraid or think that I am strange. I have it in me to do something awesome, but I don't know what it is. Or maybe I am too scared to try and figure it out. Or maybe I am scared to find out that I don't have much of a power at all. I have also made a lot of mistakes in my life. Those mistakes are in the past, but they still haunt me today. I think that I secretly hold onto to those things because it gives me an excuse to not embrace and use the power inside me. I heard a quote at a conference once that said, it isn't our darkness that we are afraid of, but our light. Or something like that... I can totally relate to this. It's easier to hold onto our mistakes and shortcomings and try to hide in the shadows of our dark times rather than to let go of those things and step into the light and power that is within us. I sometimes wish that I could have a power like Elsa. Something magical and cool. Something that I could grab onto and use as an outlet for my fears. But I know that it doesn't work that way. I wish that it did...

I am afraid of the power inside me and one day I will get over it. I know I will.

Good night all you AWESOME peeps... Don't be afraid like me... Find your power and use it...

Mistakes Are Good... As Long As I Learn... Right???

Hello interwebs... I guess it has been a couple of months... Lots of stuff going on and it is hard to find time to blog... But I feel the need tonight because I have come to some realizations today and I need to get it all out of my head so I can think rationally again. Then I can start to figure out a plan to fix things.

Earlier this school year I was offered the chance to teach an extra period during the day because our math analysis classes were too large. As a result, I lost my prep period. It seemed like no big deal at the time, but it has turned out to be a very exhausting gig. And I don't have as much time to get grading and planning done and copies made during the day. The extra money is nice though, so I will keep at it.

Because my planning time has been reduced, my AVID class has suffered. I am supposed to be getting them ready for college, but this year has degenerated into thrown together activities that don't make a lot of sense and study hall time that they don't take advantage of. There is no cohesion and I am doing them all a disservice. This realization came hard today when our AVID coordinator (a good friend) had a sit down talk with me. She was great. She wanted to help me get back on track and we will figure out how she can do that. I like teaching AVID, I just feel very inadequate with the curriculum. I don't know how to teach like that. I never have before, so it is scary for me. I just need to get over myself and do it. I will probably mess it up somehow, but that has to be okay. My students are walking all over me and I need to put a stop to it. I hope they understand that I am trying to help them. I am not sure how I will approach it yet, but it will happen. I have tried before to take better control of the class, but I can't sustain it. I need to figure out how I can.

This has been a difficult year for me anyways. I have had a lot more anxiety. The Common Core Standards have me all wigged out for whatever reason. I am unsatisfied with the Algebra 2 curriculum this year. Something just isn't right but I don't know what it is or how to fix it. I want to do things differently but I don't know how and it frustrates me. This is my eighth year of teaching, I should be able to adapt better and try new things without having an anxiety attack. I worry too much about what our administration and my fellow math teachers think of me. They probably think I am just fine, but my brain creates scenarios where I am deemed "not good enough for HHS" and they shuffle me off to somewhere else. I worry that new, hot-shot teachers will overshadow me and I will be just another old guy that is only good for teaching the classes that no one else wants. I WANT to do new and innovative things, but I am too insecure to step out of the box and try. I often wonder what I have to offer. I think that I'm a good teacher. I just don't know what makes me good.

I guess it all comes down to fear of failure. I know that I am not good at everything all the time. I am going to make mistakes. I would just rather make them privately so no one else knows.

Well... That's enough for now, I guess... Good night interwebs... See you next time...

Stay AWESOME...

Living By Some New Rules...

So... I ranted last Friday night... I removed the rant Sunday morning because I felt that I needed to do that... If you were one of the 7 unfortunate souls to read it before I took it down, I apologize for my sudden lapse in rationality... While I can say that it helped to rant and I am feeling better now, there is still frustration and anxiety... I will get through it and everything will be fine... I just need to take a chill pill and stick my nose to the grindstone...

As I was reflecting about that rant, I remembered seeing a picture on the internet about the 7 rules of life... So I did what any sane and rational person would do and got on Pinterest to find it... Lol... I found it in different forms, but I like this presentation the best... It has just a little bit of sassy to it and it makes me smile...

I am usually really bad at following the first 6 rules and pretty good at number 7... However, my friend, Mrs Bestie (she knows who she is), has commented to me that I have been slacking on number 7, too... This is what good friends do and I am glad she said something... So I am going to make the effort to get back on the horse and start keeping these rules the best I can...

Number 7 is easy to start with... Numbers 3 & 4, too... My difficulties lie in #1, #2, #5, and #6... Those things are soooooooo hard for me to do...

I dwell too much on past mistakes. I just do...

I think that everyone either doesn't like me or thinks I am arrogant or thinks I am only good enough for specific tasks.

I think everyone else is way better at life than I am because I do dwell too much on my mistakes.

I ALWAYS overthink things. It comes from being a mathematician...

I know it's not going to change overnight, but I am going to try my best... I'll get my AWESOME out again... Just wait and see...

Good night all you AWESOME peeps...

 

MTBoS (MathTwitterBlogosphere) is AWESOME...

So... This week is Mission #3 for my exploration of MTBoS. I got to look through a whole bunch of AWESOME websites that have a whole lot of AWESOME things on them. So I'll tell you about a couple that I really liked.

First... Dailydesmos.com... I didn't actually solve any of the challenges, but I got to play around with a really great free online graphing calculator... I even got the free app for my ipad. It is the best online graphing calculator that I have seen so far... I am sharing the website/app with my students tomorrow so that they have a good resource. Many of them can't afford a real graphing Calc and this will give them access to an AWESOME tool...

Second... www.visualpatterns.org... Pattern recognition, sequences, and series never got better for me... The patterns are challenging, but accessible to kids. It is also fun for me. I like puzzles a lot, so this site gave me some brain stretches to keep me sharp. Can't wait to try some of them when we get to that part of the curriculum. It'll be so fun...

Third (and last review)... onegoodthingteach.wordpress.com... A site where some teachers share the good things that happen every day amongst the chaos and frustration that exist in this profession. It is always good to find the good things amongst the bad so that we don't give up completely on the crazy, wonderful madness that is the teaching profession.

So... Here is my one good thing for today... (With a little background...)

Friday was an emotionally bad day for me for various reasons... That night I wrote a rant on my blog about it all... (If you were one of the 7 unfortunate souls that read that, I am sorry...) Anyways, Sunday morning came around and I felt that I needed to take it down, so I did. In the wee hours of Sunday morning I had some inspiration to reorganize my classroom and give the kids a new seating chart. So after church I sat down at my laptop and reorganized everyone in my Algebra 2 classes... They now sit in groups of four with an A student or B student at each table group... I didn't know how it would work out, but I had to try something...

Fast forward to this morning... My Math Analysis and AVID students took it in stride and made no complaint... There was some resistance from my Algebra 2 students, but most of them accepted their fate and got to work... I had them working together on Factoring because the quiz last Friday was very top and bottom heavy... A lot of kids got it, a lot of kids don't... My one good thing was that I was able to relinquish control (which is really hard for me) for three whole periods and the kids ACTUALLY worked together and helped each other. It was AWESOME... Was it 100%? No..., but it was in the high 80s at least... Did some of those kids that didn't understand gain some understanding? Absolutely... I think it was a step in the right direction... We'll see how this journey continues...

Stay AWESOME...

There is AWESOME stuff on the Internet...

I recently found this AWESOME, AMAZING, WONDERFUL thing...

It's called the Math Twitter Blogosphere (MTBoS) and they are doing an AWESOME thing for math teachers that want to get connected. They have cool missions each week to help those of us that aren't connected to get connected. Teaching math is hard sometimes and can be overwhelming if you do it alone. Connecting with people that share your passion can make it so much easier.

I missed the first mission last week because I missed the tweet that announced it. Oh well... I just jumped in this week instead. (Kind if like D&D when someone is late to the group and the DM has to insert them into the game somehow...) It was AWESOME sauce...

This week's mission was all about using Twitter... If you don't know what Twitter is, look to the right and you will see my feed... It's fun, and really useful, and fun... I haven't used twitter to its full potential even though I have had it for over a year. This MTBoS has opened my eyes and helped a lot... Just after one night of working on a mission...

Part of my mission this week is to talk about something Twitter... So here goes...

I participated in my first ever Twitter chat tonight... It was AWESOME... It was an Algebra 2 chat. (So, boring for all you non-math people, but exciting for me.) A few things were talked about and I even added some comments here and there. I actually got a couple of amazing teaching strategies that I will actually be able to use and share at work... Seriously, my mind was blown... It was so cool... It was so neat to see how other people do things and how they teach different concepts. I think that this whole experience will help me to become a better teacher and I am so excited to do that. There is so much out there in the Twitterverse that I don't think I will ever get all the good stuff, but MTBoS has given me an opportunity to find some of it... Thanks guys...

Stay AWESOME sauce...

Building A Testimony

This week was Testimony meeting at church. I didn't go up and bear my testimony at all, but I did ponder a few things. I have been pondering these things for the last couple of months during testimony meeting, but have never felt the need to go up and share them. Not even today. For some reason I feel the need to put it out there now. Not sure why.

So here goes...

First and foremost, I asked myself what is (or what should be) the basis for a testimony. As I thought about it, I went back to the time that I was in my mission in Finland. That was back in the time before "Preach My Gospel" and we had the six discussions and "The Missionary Guide."

Well... In Finland, I gave A LOT of first discussions. Not many sixth discussions... (Actually... One sixth discussion). So, that information came flooding back to my mind and I determined that the principles in that discussion were a good starting point in building a testimony of the Gospel. Good thing they were the first things that we taught anyone, right?

Here they are..

1) God is our perfect Heavenly Father and He has a plan for us.

2) Jesus Christ is the Son of God and gave us a perfect example to follow.

3) Heavenly Father calls Prophets to reveal His plan to us.

4) Joseph Smith saw Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and was called as a prophet for our time.

5) The Book of Mormon is a second testament of Jesus Christ along side the Bible

6) The Holy Ghost will testify of the truth when we sincerely ask.

There is some pretty AWESOME stuff here and I honestly believe that if a person can accept these six principles fully, then they have a good basis to build the rest of their testimony on. The rest of the Gospel just flows from this and can change lives. It's amazing...

I can testify to you that I know that these things are true. All of them...I didn't realize it until today that my own testimony has developed from these things. I really didn't understand the Gospel until I was in that frozen northern country serving the people and teaching these things over and over again. Apparently I learned a few things for myself. Go me...

Have an AWESOME week...